Dear Diary

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Every once in a while, I feel very down and surrounded by darkness out of no reason. When that day comes, I usually talk to myself in my head but never expressed that thoughts and feelings out loud. Today, I took advantage of that moment and instead of keeping those words in my head, I decided to write them down in my blog, after all, skylerspeaks is simply a reflection of myself.

Today, for the first time in my life, I dreamed that I was in a quicksand and there was no way out, in addition to that, the quicksand was inside a closed room, without a door, not even a window, just four simple walls. That feeling scared me and unfortunately this is how I woke up and it got worse because I was thinking about my dream all day and finishing my tasks at the same time.

After constant thinking about the same dream, and after long hours of self analysis, I got to a conclusion and  I decoded my dream;

– The quicksand is my current position at work, a position that can’t get further than that due to small the lack of departments in the company.

– The fact that I’m not being able to get out of that quicksand and keeps pushing me down is because I have higher ambitions that I’m trying to find a way to make them real but unfortunately, if you don’t know someone important in this life, you can’t get anywhere. That is why, the more I will stay in this company with the same position, the more the sand will keep pushing me down to the bottom.

As for the 4 walls:

– First wall represents my family. No matter how hard I try to get close to my parents, I still see this same wall standing between us. I tried to break through it, ignore it, jump on top of it, nothing worked. In those moments I really wish Superman was real with his huge muscles so helps me remove this wall for good.

– Second wall represents my financial status. No matter how hard I try to save money each month, I always fail to do so. I always restrain myself from overspending but in this country, everything is possible except saving money

– Third wall is my education. My target for education is endless. I graduated from University as a good Business student and I still have in my mind that same target I had years ago, getting my masters degree. Unfortunately, due to my low salary and the fact that I’m unable to save money are keeping my away from my target

– Fourth and finally the last wall, my temper. I’ve been working in this company for over seven years, seven years of customer service and later as assistant operations manager  (assistant + customer service) can you imagine how do you become after working seven freakin years by just answering phone calls?! 90% of the calls are complaints and problems and cursing, on top of that a very moody manager which she interferes in every single call that you get from anyone. I didn’t graduate to answer stupid phone calls and feel that I’m a robot with no emotions, I did not SIGN for this!

The fact that there’s no way out from this room is because these 4 walls complete each other. Had I saved some money, I would’ve able to support my family and that itself will break at least 2 of the walls.

So, what’s the solution? Is it possible to get out from this quicksand or will I be stuck in it for good? Will I be able to break one of those walls? I might get my answers very soon and I might die and still wondering when will I get my answers, either way, life itself is a mystery, we never know what’s hiding for us.

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